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So, Jerry Bruckheimer s Kangaroo Jack was the top movie in America last week...
Jerry Bruckheimer is single-handedly turning our entire country into brainless morons... Is there any wonder why every other culture on the planet hates us? Could we be any more vile and loathsome. I no longer blame them and am now actively hoping that Saddam and Osama are sitting on a huge cache of discarded soviet nuclear warheads and quickly wipe our poor misguided culture from the annals of history before we further regress into simian creatures, unable to communicate in anything form other than the basest of grunts and growls.
Twould be doing us a favor.
So there. I said my peace.
-bampf |
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First things first, I have to wish mah baby a big happy birthday:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY!!
And this is an especially monumental birthday- her twentieth. No longer a teenager. The most important part of this is that I can now say we re both in our twenties and I don t feel like near the pedophile I was yesterday. Being engaged to a teenager when you re 28 just... well... it just sounds... wrong.
But, joyously that is no longer the case. So, Saturday we ll enjoy our traditional Kristyn birthday fare of brit food from Dickens Pub off South Street (a great place to watch Rugby games with displaced western Europeans bp discovered a couple years ago).
I expect some additional well-wishing and birthday cheer outta you riff-raff in the comments sections as well... now get to it!
-bampf |
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I feel compelled --no obligated-- to make some comments about the SuperBowl. I think we were really getting spoiled with exciting SuperBowls these last couple of years so we had a throwback to the days of boring blow-outs. I was even rooting for Tampa Bay and still couldn t muster any enthusiasm for that game. It was... the suck. The only exciting bits were when Alstott handled the ball, as he is the consumate NFL stud. Even the comercials were weak, although Terry Tate, Office LB was pure comedic genious. The rest were mediocre at best.
Of course, now I m left without a sport to root for and a big hunk of free time to fill on Sundays... certainly not entirely bad things.
My parents finally made it down to see our house Sunday and we took a quick driving tour through Philly... hard to believe but my mom had never been in the city. As we drove around Kristyn and I came to the realization that there is still a ton of city left to be explored... this could really tie in well with the aforementioned free time.
As a last item of note, I made my second to last long-ass Philly-to-Carlisle Monday commute this morning. I am pretty ecstatic about that.
-bampf |
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Well, big news today. I put in my 2 weeks notice with Stoner (Advantica/AdvanticaStoner/whatever). After an extended delay I received an offer from Liquent, the compay I had interviewed with several times earlier. I m very excited. I m a bit aprehensive as well... leaving a comfortable job for unchartered waters is always a bit scary, but on the other hand I ve been anxious to get my butt down to Philly since summer.
I ll be a permanent Philly-boy by the 2nd weekend in Feb. Huzzah. A new chapter begins...
-bampf |
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Well, my Most Hated Poll has been up for a while... figure its time to come up with a new topic. I realized that I didn t write any sort of archival system for past polls when I implemented my code, so till I do that I figured I d just report the results here...
Our Most Hated winner is Martin Lawrence garnering 49% of the vote. Despite a huge early lead Jim Carrey finished second 36% (a ballot stuffing investigation is still forthcoming). Jerry Bruckheimer and Oprah managed a meager 2%. Surprisingly, John Tesh and George Lucas evaded the vitriol completely with no votes.
For the new poll, I figured I d cash in on the fervor from last week s list and do a Most Disappointing Movie Poll... so go weigh in and vote!
-bampf |
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I promised a list for you guys and I mean to deliver. I need to pick up the slack as many of the Blog Friends begin to atrophy. Here s a list inspired by one of grm s list suggestions: Most Frequently Used Movie Quotes! Good one eh? Yeah I thought so. Now this is not Best movie quote, but most used... to qualify these are movie quotes that you work into everyday conversation (maybe not with your boss, but you get the idea-- lines you quote for the sake of quoting the movie are right out) they have to be useful in a myriad of real-life situations. So here they are:
20. "What's with you, man?" -Lord Helmet, Spaceballs
19. "Then that will be his undoing." -The Kurgen, Highlander
18. "Mongo just pawn in game of life." -Mongo, Blazing Saddles
17. "That's the problem with this town. Too many damn vampires!" -Vander, Lost Boys
16. "Infidel defilers. They shall all drown in lakes of blood." -Thulsa Doom, Conan
15. "Don't take any guff from those fucking swine." -Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
14. "Get some! Get some!" -Door gunner, Full Metal Jacket
13. "It's only a model." -Patsy, The Holy Grail
12. "Ineedtohaveashite!" -Mickey O'Neal, Snatch
11. "Come get some." -Ash, Evil Dead 2
10. "Of course you are." -The Kurgen, Highlander
9. "If it bleeds, we can kill it." -Conan, Conan the Destroyer
8. "Tis but a scratch." -The Black Knight, The Holy Grail
7. "Stay on target. Stay on target." -Porkins, Star Wars: A New Hope
6. "I don't remember asking you a God damned thing!" -Jules Winfield, Pulp Fiction
5. "Hail to the king, baby." -Ash, Evil Dead 2
4. "This is important. This means something" -George, UHF
3. "Chill, Winston." -Willie, Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels
2. "You said it man. No one fucks with the Jesus." -Jesus, Big Lebowski
1. "Out of the way, peck!" -Madmartigan, Willow
Well, there you go. Before I listed any of these I had to mentally recall using them at least a couple of times. Granted, many of these are most appropriate (or only appropriate) in the setting of the Guild... but that still counts. So what do you guys think? What obvious ones am I missing?
-bampf
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Note the double meaning there... listless... list-less. As in I was so listless I made no lists as I had hoped to do. Maybe tomorrow I ll do another list, not sure what. Weekend was occupied with a visit to see Kristyn s family and football.
Speaking of football... So much for any kind of PA Superbowl. Eagles looked terrible! I m a total playoff jinx... every team I ve rooted for in every playoff game this year have lost with the exception of the Steeler s Wildcard win over the Browns. So what we re left with is a Superbowl with the two teams I least wanted to see make it. D'oh. I ll switch conference allegiances though and root for the Bucs just because they have my favorite non-Steeler player in the league... Alstott! Whatta stud. Of course, I ve doomed the Bucs to failure by rooting for them... ah well.
Don t know what I m gonna do with myself now that football is rapidly coming to an end... it s tough being a one sport guy. Hopefully it ll open up some time to tinker on my computer some more. I have work to do on a handful of websites (including this one) as well as some digital video editing software I wanna play with that I got from jkarr. After seeing Art of the Saber (if you haven t seen this short yet... go see it NOW! Seriously... you have to see it! Just do a Google search for Art of the Saber) I m inspired to use our videocam to shoot a movie... that d be super sweet.
-b
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I m glad to see the Worst (er... Most Disappointing) Films list spurned a nice bevy of responses and opinions. I ll try to do more list like that in the future. I just need some topics. Here s a list of lists I d like to make...
Most Hated Entertainment Figures (to go along with the Poll)/Shovel Beating List
Favorite Albums
Favorite All Time TV Shows
Favorite All Time Cartoons (really does require a seperate category)
Worst TV Shows I Watched Regularly (dat could be a good one)
Most Overrated Movies (tough one to quantify, but could be interesting)
Hmmm... well that s enough for now. Make suggestions on additional lists. I ll try to compile one or two of them by Monday (I ll have access to my PC this weekend... YAY!).
-bampf |
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OK... it was suggested by TGM that I do a worst movies list. This is my list of worst movies that I paid money to see (in the theatre... renting a bad movie isn t nearly as big of a travesty). So, here they are, listed numerically with #1 being the worst not the least worst... with annotation of course!
10. Rush Hour I remember being excited to see this film. Chris Tucker can be annoying, but was cool in 5th Element, Jackie Chan is always entertaining even in bad films, so we figured it was a sure win. However, Tucker was in super annoying mode and the there was an unexplainable (unexcusable) lack of mesmerizing Jackie stunts... guess what? Jackie Chan s acting ability alone is not gonna carry a movie... EVER!
9. Thin Red Line Coming shortly off the heels of Saving Private Ryan (which I saw 5 times in the theatre) bp and I were really geared up for another grand WWII epic. Instead we were handed the most pretentious movie imaginable. Terrence Malick hadn t made a movie in 20 yrs before this one... if he makes another within 20 yrs it will be too soon. Every promising actor of the last 10 years had a cameo in the film... and each cameo role was more pointless and disposable than the previous. A few panoramic sweeping shots of an island paradise and an anti-war Albert Camus inspired lead are not the key ingredients of a decent war movie, idiot.
8. Every Romantic Comedy I ve Ever Begrudgingly Gone to as a "Date Movie" There are a few noted exceptions to the rule (French Kiss comes to mind) but nearly unequivocally these are all horrible. I often wondered if dating was really worth having to sit through these hackneyed, overwrought, piles of dung. If only we could isolate the gene that forces women to like these films I m sure we d be much closer to bridging the gap between the sexes.
7. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back This was a major disappointment. I had really enjoyed Kevin Smith s work up to this point in spite of his critical flaws as a director (and actor)... but this movie had nearly no redeeming value. Just a long series of unfunny inside jokes. Being intimately familiar with the View Askew universe, I got the inside jokes... they just weren t funny.
6. Lord of Illusions Saw this one in college with a bunch of buds. Figured Clive Barker, Scott Bakula... gotta be good. Wrong. The movie was convoluted and pointless... first movie I every wanted to walk out of. The best part of that movie going experience was during the previews when Mark T s date, Twirl Girl, stormed out of the theatre upon the showing of a raunchy Showgirls trailer.
5. Showgirls Speaking of Showgirls, what a horrible film. Chad and I felt obligated to go see this... the first major theatrical release of an NC-17 movie (we went purely for the historical merit). Strangley enough Verhoeven managed to make a non stop cornucopia of boobies feel tedious. Now that s a feet in bad film making.
4. Batman and Robin Now this was a horrible movie. Joel Schumacher showed even more fervor over killing this franchise than he did in the awful Batman Returns. Everything about this film was awful. Everything. Every scene, every character, every line of dialogue. A true cinematic abomination.
3. Battlefield Earth I hesitated to put this movie on the list as it almost succeeded as a comedy. I went with Sean and Bashore to see this one and we laughed our asses off the whole time. The whole movie was such an absurd joke. I can t imagine anyone enjoying this movie on any level other than as Plan 9-esque kitsch. And Travolta is gung ho to make a sequel? Fucking retarded Scientologists.
2. Pearl Harbor Another movie with grand expectations that sorely disappointed. In my mind this movie became the posterchild for the big budget Hollywood disaster... the archtype of flash over substance. Featuring some of the worst dialog ever written. Curse you Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer, curse you!
1. Star Wars Ep. 1 The Phantom Menace This steaming pile of offal was the king of all disappointments. I waited in line 17 hours for tickets. I was excited. I was pumped. I was ready for a life altering experience. What I got was absolute crap. A two hour toy comercial with live action cartoons. Horrible. Take away all the hype, expectations and the storied Star Wars franchise, and this movie still stinks. Stinks bad. I still remember Rich and the other early Guild folk pulling the pistol out of my mouth in the parking lot after opening night. Tragic. Episode 2 was nominally better, but nothing could erase the injustice that was Episode 1. <sigh>
Well, that s my list. Granted, the rankings are as much a factor of expectation as they are a matter of quality (or lack thereof). But, I m OK with that. There s a reason I spent good money to see these films... I wanted to see a good movie... I expected to see a good movie... and these were what I got instead. Damn you Hollywood, damn you. I m anxious to get to Philly where I ll have access to numerous arthouse theatre... there I may find respite from the Hollywood suits and their 'mass-market appeal' tripe.
-bampf
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The muse is not upon me today (myself and the blog friends all seem pretty uninspired... midweek doldrums maybe). But I wanted make a few comments just to keep up my streak of daily weekday entries.
First I wanted to gloat a bit about by defeat of Edogg and his precious Bears in Madden last night. Avenging a blowout beating he gave the night before when I foolishly tried to play him with a vastly inferior team (the Falcons to be exact). In last night s game though I took the much more respectable Saints (never mind that those teams reversed roles this season... Madden stats are based on 2002) and scored by rush, pass, kick-off return, and interception return... the cycle, if you will. Take that, Uhrlacher!
I ll also note that some serious ballot stuffing took place today as Jim Carrey raked in about 30 votes in the Hollywood Most Hated poll to distance himself from Julia Roberts... maybe I will need to add some anti-ballot stuffing code after all... not that I mind people expressing their disdain for Jim Carrey!
-bampf |
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There was one other item I wanted to include in my random thoughts post yesterday. Anyone watching the Eagles playoff game may have noticed late in the fourth quarter as Philly sealed their victory, the Vet errupted with a rendition of the Philly "Woot, there it is" song... in essence further validating my origins of w00t story. That and I found it highly amusing after hotly debating the topic only days before in the blog comments.
My most hated poll has inspired me to maybe compile a shovel beating list --as in a list of people most deserving a solid beating about the head and shoulders with a shovel or similar blunt object (something grm used to have before he went all soft and started only hating the Dutch). This will take some time and thought though... there s so many deserving candidates...
-b |
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Well, I wanted to make my little Poll thing weekly so I ve added a new poll. Our esteemed grm (or GRiM) was the clear cut winner of the first poll. The new poll is a doozy. Tough decisions. I ll accept write in ballots in the comments sections. So go, voice you opinion. Be heard.
I won t mind if you go back later and vote for a second or third candidate as hopefully most of you will want to vote for all the entrants...
-b |
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Just a couple of random thoughts I wanted to commit to some form of binary storage:
I m now rooting for the Eagles in the SuperBowl. I m happy that my Steelers provided two of the most exciting playoff games in recent memory... although I think the refs played a much larger part than they should have in the Titans game. Even after blowing the Giants game last week, twice the refs blatantly did not know the rules of the game... and then there was the running into the kicker play that cost the Steelers the game. Nedney admitted to acting and taking a dive afterward. And that decided an overtime playoff game. Just think about that.
I wanted to take a minute to extol the virtues of Sumarai Jack. I anxiously switched to Cartoon Network last night after another hysterical Andy Richter only to find that the Adult Swim schedule had been jumbled and pushed back. However my disappointment was quickly assuaged as Sumarai Jack was on instead. This is such a fantastic cartoon. The art direction is truly brilliant. I know I throw that term around a lot, but it really applies in this case. They re doing absolutely revolutionary work. The visual style of that cartoon is just breathtaking. A true art form. Last night they did an incredible homage to Kazuo Koike s Lone Wolf and Cub... it was jaw-droppingly amazing. Apparently Jack is gonna be part of Cartoon Networks nightly prime time schedule... I beseech you all to watch it. You won t be disappointed
OK, last thing: have you guys seen that one Garth Brooks Dr. Pepper comercial... the one with the bevy of country-western archtypes playing the "Be You" song on the porch of some archtype country-western hovel? Know which one I m talking about? It s an annoying comercial that s really overplayed during football games. Anyway, there s something especially disconcerting in it. There s some white haired, hunch-back, albino freak with really stupid glasses and moustache playing the spoons on Garth s left. He s only shown breifly but he appears hunched over in the midst of some epileptic spastic fit. I find him horrifyingly disturbing but yet my eyes are drawn to his ghoulish form on every viewing. It s really starting to bother me. Do you guys know who I m talking about? Watch next time you see the comercial. I guarantee you ll be deeply disturbed. My mind reels that such a freakish creature would be not only be allowed to exist, but could somehow make its way into a widely viewed television spot.
-bampf |
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So is everyone enjoying the quote feature? It s obviously not a true Quote of the Day-- as previously discussed-- it (as well as the poll) is session based, so you will get a new quote each time you stop back during the day, but I think that s OK and a nice middle ground between a truly daily rotation (which wouldn t be that hard to implement) and the update on refresh system that was initially in place.
As far as the quotes go, I tried to be very selective... choosing not just cool sounding ones, but ones that reflect personal convictions or beleifs (although there are a couple of exceptions to that rule). A couple are distractingly long and deter from the general page layout, but they are few and far between so I wasn t bothered by that and thought it a nice change up.
Maybe every month or so I ll rotate in a new batch of quotes and then list the old ones on a page where people can vote for favorites. GRiM had brought up that idea in the comments yesterday.
Does that sound cool, or am I just deluding myself about my geekness and you all are just shaking your heads at how sad and pitiful a creature I am?
Be honest.
-bampf |
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OK, the swarm of activity continues here. I have a BampfBlog Poll. Go vote. Its code I wrote a while back for the store and never implemented, but it seems to work OK. So, go. Vote. Quickly. I command it.
-bampf |
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Hmmm... well, there s the quote the thing. I m not sure if I like it or not. Well, I like it, just not sure it fits. It s something... some added content... cause y know here at BampfBlog we go the extra mile for our readers.
Well, voice your opinions (like I need to prod you guys). I may give it the axe or move it... I dunno.
-b |
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Yet another BampfBlog(tm) technology licensee. The undisputed King of Surley, our very own Mr. Dover has started his own blog. I m sure he ll fiddle with my code to make it near unrecognizable eventually, but I m not gonna complain... I know it s my mechanics underneath. So go check out the latest edition to the Blog Friends...
-bampf |
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Alrighty, some exciting new layout changes here at BampfBlog. Well, maybe not really exciting, but definately new. Once again, I ve licensed out BampfBlog(tm) technology (let s hope it s sees more success than the now defunct Wanderer Blog of Misogyny). So without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, I d like to introduce Klog! The Kent Log... get it? Klog. Clever, huh? Kent thought it up all by his lonesome. So Click on the link on the left and read the ramblings of everybody s favorite gamer geek ex-chef ex-Mongo roomate turned Circuit City guy (he s also the only human being to ever have their ball sack on my head... how s that for a resume builder?). Also check out Evan and Bangpitcher s blogs... despite both of them lamentably using third party Blog software that pales in comparison to BampfBlog(tm) technology they both have some amusing and worthwhile things to say.
So go. Now. Read Blogs. Be amused. Leave comments. I command it.
-bampf |
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Holy friggin crap! The Steelers won the most amazing game ever! I was nervously pacing around the living room for an hour and a half. Incredible. I had written us off several times. Absolutely amazing! Kristyn and I were jumping up and down in hysteria when Fuamatu-Ma'afala crossed the goal line! An incredible finish to an incredible game.
After two emotional hard fought games in a row, I really don t know if we ll be able to compete with the Titans. The defense (and secondary in particular) is wracked with injuries and it ll be a short week to recover. If we win it ll be with a dazzling offense display...the defense is just spent. Guess we ll see on Saturday. I can t wait!
I have to add that Hines Ward is the most amazing player in professional sports. The embodiment of what a football player should be. He plays his heart out on every down and just loves to play. He s my favorite player in the league by a large margin.
On the down side the Steelers amazing come back was upstaged by the 49ers rallying over NY from an even larger defecit. Giants would have pulled it out if not for 3 mega-bone-headed plays at the end of the game. Morons deserved to lose.
To avoid a rash of pro-Eagles yammering in the comments section, I ll mention that I am rooting for the Eagles in the NFC and think they ll man-handle Atlanta next week. A turnpike Superbowl would be an awesome thing. Although if it happens, for my own safety and well being I ll need to take more precautions when wearing my Steelers gear in Philly.
-b
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Looks like I am definately Philly bound. After a third interview today with a Philly area company I should be receiving an offer shortly in the mail. I m pretty excited. Seems like a really sweet place to work and a pretty cool job description. Laid back atmosphere, great coffee, a never ending supply of Code Red... what more could one ask for? The position sounds cool... I ll be part programmer part tech support... but not regular tech support... but support for the programmers working for the companies that license our main product engine. So I d essentially be the guy that handles issues brought up by programmer s using the company s API. Sort a programmer to answer other programmers questions in programmer speak (something regular old tech support people can t do). Hopefully ya get the idea...
I m pretty excited. I ll be a full time Philadelphian before the end of the month... cool.
Granted, there is some mixed emotion, as I ll be leaving friends, family and the Guild behind, but I ll be happier here. No more crazy commutes and living out of a gym bag. Plus we re really excited about doing the psuedo-married life thing. The midstate is still home to both of us though so we ll be back often to visit.
-b |
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Hey, check it out. It s 2003 and my little table monthly blog archival thing works as I designed. Cool.
Speaking of the new year, did you guys know that here in Philly people go outside and bang pots together at the stroke of midnight on New Years Eve? How retarded is that... shooting guns into the air so beats the hell outta that tradition!
See, told ya I m still a red neck.
-b |
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This is a historic and momentous blog entry! I m making an entry from my PC from my home! Sounds pretty trivial but to me it is a grand milestone. My PC is in my home finally... it was hard to consider it my home whilst my PC was 120 miles away. Things are falling into place and soon I ll become a full-fledged Philly-boy. It also means I am free of the Mac yoke as well.
On the topic of Philly-ness, it s very interesting to me to see the transition I m undertaking. I talk about Philly as my home now... me the back woods redneck. I m picking up the lingo... 476 is the blue route, subs are always hoagies, cheese steaks are just steaks etc etc ad nauseum. I ve also starting identifying with the city. I was watching a special last week on ESPN about the history of Veterans Stadium on the eve of its destruction. A lot of the talk centered around the Philadelphia fans and their unique culture... I felt a strong comraderie and sense of inclusion... I was now part of that culture (I will point out that despite being a die hard Steelers fan I do root for Philly teams in every other sport). It was... neat.
Well, enough rambling. I have to finish setting up the rest of my PC and do some more work cleaning up and organizing my 'man-hole'... for those not in the know that s the little vestibule/florida room/enclosed porch that is my domain and where my PC and other manly items have been relegated.
Look for more updates tomorrow as I m hoping to have news on my job search.
later,
-bampf |